I wish life had little blips of pornography
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
