How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
