Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
