wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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