Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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