the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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