i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize