He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
