3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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