Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize