idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
