yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
