Tell her she can't have a vagina
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
