...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
