Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
