Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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