Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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