I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
