i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night