he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
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I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
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Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness