piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.