I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER