wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
