you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
