Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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