who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It's shark week go big or go home
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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