so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
