why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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