just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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