Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
