I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
whose parrot is this?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
