Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
