Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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