FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
