Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
