listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
