The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
