I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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