You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
