Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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