you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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