my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
