She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
