I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
