We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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