I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
