you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
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My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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