By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
