he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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