The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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