Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
