we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
