just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
