I just made out with a guy for $7.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
