For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
