the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
