apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize