I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
