So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
