Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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