My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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