Umm I'm too high to move.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
