I skipped work to stalk him.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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