I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
