Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
