Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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